This speaks for itself

- Chron Travolta

One More Reason Not To Be A Vegetarian...

According to science:

Thank you, weed, for......ummmmmm.....whatever. Weed and bacon are great.

-Chron Travolta

Listening to people is easier

This girl was telling me something about her Grandmother being in the hospital and she was going on and on...BUT thankfully I had smoked just moments before this conversation and instead of being subjected to her lengthy and emotional anecdote I was able to imagine hundreds of little fairies gathering around her head and engaging in some sort of burlesque show and then gracefully lifting this girl up up and way into the clouds. I found myself gleefully clapping and giggling which also resulted in an abbreviation of her story and she finally turned and walked away. Thank you weed!

Alwayz Outotit

Oh shit...

I forgot this was here

Alwz Outoit

Melber, Kentucky

Thank you, weed, for helping me discover the town of Melber, situated in the southwest corner of Kentucky.

What draws my interest to Melber? Uh, nothing.....except for the fact that its FUCKING ZIP CODE IS 42069! Click here to learn more.

Yep, that's right. In order to send a letter to someone in Melber, you have to insinuate both marijuana smoking and mutual oral sex! I hope at least one of their 842 citizens finds this amusing. Also of humorous note: Melber is located in McCracken County, and the state abbreviation for Kentucky is "KY". 

-Chron Travolta

Thanks Natalie Dee!

The title is...um the title, well

So I smoked some weed fifteen minutes ago and...I went into my bedroom. Then I wanted to practice playing guitar, so I went into the living room. Once inside, I was compelled to rearrange some furniture. No, the dresser shouldn't be there. Probably blocks the sun. But its dark out.
I have walked around the apartment three times and now I'm writing this post. BRB

O.K.

Hey whatever happened to Cody? He was short and had hair like Sonic the Hedgehog. It's so early. It's like 10:30. That's why it's so dark out.

The kitchen is cold. Thank you, weed.

Monkey Bones

Post-pump

Fuck you weed, I don't understand this. Why is it called "Pos-T-Vac". http://rejoynmedical.com/services/rs-o.php


"Our systems are not toy pumps that are sold in the backroom of novelty shops that can cause injury.".

So we've figured out that it looks like and item you'd get at Spencer's , as a joke but you really want to see if it works and it deals with "Physics" and your bodies "anatomy". Whatever. It looks like a hand job fake with a cock ring. According to the website: "Creating a vacuum around the penis naturally draws blood into the area, creating an erection. A soft elastic support ring is then placed around the base of the penis to help hold the blood in the area."

Though, the problem could just be that your mate is ugly.


I don't understand. Fuck you, weed.

-Puff Pastry and Alwayz Outa it

Job

Thank you weed for making me realize I should quit my job.

-Alwz Otta it

The Boss, The Keeper of Wisdom

Today, I'd like to honor an American hero.


Still a babe, after all these years. And a keeper of wisdom.

"In the third grade a nun stuffed me in a garbage can under her desk because, she said, that's where I belonged."

"There ain't a nothing I play on stage that can't be traced back directly to my mother and father."

"I didn't even make it to class clown. I had nowhere near that amount of notoriety. I didn't have the flair to be a complete jerk. It was like I didn't exist. It was the wall, then me."

"I just sit down and fuck around for a couple of hours. Usually something comes up. I sit down and I work on the song, and I sit down and work on it some more, then some more and some more."

"What you do if someone doesn't understand your song is you keep singing it."



"I had a lot of overblown romance but it still contained the seeds of realism."

Regarding "Darkness on the Edge of Town": "The characters aren't kids. They're older - you been beat, you been hurt. But there's still hope, there's always hope. They throw dirt on you all your life, and some people get buried so deep in the dirt that they'll never get out. The album is about people who will never admit that they're buried that deep."

"That sense of dread, man - it's everywhere. It's outside, it's inside, it's in the bedroom, it's on the street."

"If you're going to stand up and say, 'I'm an American', that means you've got some responsibility to America."

"The trappings and stuff are a joke. The only fun of sitting in a limousine was if you weren't supposed to be in it."

"I was 14 when I first made love. And when I'd done it I didn't know if I'd one it or not."

"It ain't about two cars in the garage. It's about people living and working together without stepping on each other."

"I was raised Catholic and everybody who was raised Catholic hates religion. They hate it, they can't stand it."

"If you do not develop the skills to interpret information you're going to easily be manipulated, or you're going to walk around simply confused and ineffectual and powerless."



Bruce, we love you here at Thank You, Weed. Always an inspiration, keep imparting that precious wisdom. And if you've got any extra concert tickets in the Northeast on your upcoming tour, let us know. We couldn't afford tickets.

-Puff Pastry

Bush, 16 Stone

Thank you weed for Bush "16 Stone" that album totally rocks! I remember hearing them on the Howard Stern show way back in the day. Howard was asking them about the name of the band trying to get them to talk about chicks and private parts. They explained that that bush they were talking about grows out of dirt and is smoked in a pipe or paper etc...they then explained that the title 16 stone means 224 pounds- stone being a Brittish unit of measurment equal to 14 pounds. I think specifically it refered to a fat Brittish Prostitute's add where she said she weighed 16 stone.

Then, I think Howard sang the song "Gycerine" but about how stinky Gary's breath was.


Thank you weed.

Nap Time

Thank you, weed, for helping see the hilarity in the misfortunes of others.

-Chron Travolta

Megalodon

Thank you, weed. For giving me some perspective on life.

That's a megalodon. Eating a BLUE WHALE. I can't believe these went extinct before I was born.

-Puff Pastry

The Fuckin' OED

Thank you, weed, for leading me to this mind-tickling discovery. Today my father told me a delightful yarn. It was a history lesson regarding the origins of the word "shit". According to him, the term derived from the practice of transporting manure via ship. When sea water leaked in and dampened the manure, the mixture became combustible and, it was feared, could blow up ships. As a result, crates containing manure were labeled S.H.I.T., meaning "Store High In Transit", implying that they were to be stowed above the reach of water. But after some cursory research I have concluded that this is false. It turns out that it actually derives from about a billion fucking Olde English words that mean various negative things. BO-RING!

So here are some origins for the word "fuck" that I found on the Oxford English Dictionary's database. Those A-holes in the 18th century used the word way better that I ever managed to. Here ya go, folks:

"The great fuck upon my weef?" WHAT THE FUCK!? I haven't fucked my weef in ages and everything is going just fine. Step off, OED!

"Ay fukkind lyke ane furious Fornicatour"? That sounds like Hecka good tymes!

And, just for giggles, here's an amusing advertisement I spotted along the side bar whilst perusing the web. 

I don't think they care that Jesus loves you, bra.

-Chron Travolta

Michael Phelps- The Chosen Stoner

I ask you, is it any accident that a photograph of Michael Phelps taking a bong rip made it to super main stream media? Or, is it part of a much grander, much more awesome scheme to gradual integrate pot into society- legalize it, tax it, max it out commercial and start selling it by the pounds at Walmart.

First we had Obama, who allegedly smoked a lot of weed- and thank god he did right or he might never have been able to see and feel the things that let him become President. True to that. Now we have Michael Phelps- the second greatest athlete of all time to Larry Bird- getting totally ripped- not a joint, not a bowl- a big old cheech and chong style bong. BAM. Everyone in America and around the world now knows deep down in their heart that weed is cool. Because if Michael Phelps does it there can't be anything wrong with it.

Me and Celebrities

Thank you, weed, for reminding me that I'm just like a celebrity. I bet Francis McDormand likes the Lemon Purple too. And if she can win an Oscar, so can I!

Word

Thank you, weed, fore advancing the development of the English language. The longer the OED the better. But not George Bush. He's not in the club. I bet he doesn't even smoke weed. I bet he smokes baby-poopmakers.

Get it "Poopmakers," a new word for laxative. Use it. Love it. Get that shit in the OED.

Dinosaur Shirt

Holy crap! I just discovered the best shirt I have EVER SEEN! I must first direct your attention to a little website I like to call AnimalShirts.net. <--- Click it or be a fool! Once there, you will be treated to sights such as this

But the best shirt I speak of, a shirt so perfect and exciting that you will judge all future 

shirts in comparison to it, looks a little something like this

Thank you, weed, for helping me find this website.

-Chron Travolta

Best Site Ever!

There are only 2 minutes left until the frozen pizza is ready. I feel incredible. Thank you, weed.

-Chron Travolta